My message to you today is LIVE PEOPLE. Yes, live your life to the fullest. Enjoy every single moment of your days. Do what brings you joy, laughter, and ultimately peace in your heart.
As I sit here on a beach in Martinique staring at the mountains, the boats anchored in the ocean and the multitude of seadoos speeding by, you might think that I’m pretty snobbish to write such a thing especially considering the fact that I might not know you. And you may be right. I don’t know your circumstances or what you’ve been through or what you’re feeling right now. I can only share with you my story in the hopes that you will understand that I didn’t always Live. I wasn’t always happy; and peace back then, was definitely missing from my life.
As a single mom who struggled with paying the bills, who felt guilty for yelling at her children and trying to figure out why she kept ending up with abusive men, I can tell you from experience that I’ve come a really long way.
After my third abusive relationship, I decided to take a break from dating to find myself. I wanted to take care of me for a while in ways I never had. I wanted more than anything to show my children what a healthy relationship was and to do that I had to analyze and listen to what was missing within myself. Why did I keep attracting these broken men in my life? Why did I find it so important to save these individuals when it was so obvious to my family and friends that it was I who needed saving? Even my kids knew it but out of respect and love, they just stood by my side quietly just loving me unconditionally.
The joy, happiness and peace in my life didn’t happen overnight. It crept in slowly one moment at a time. I remember feeling so overwhelmed with financial responsibilities because the father of my children refused to pay me child support. Every time I requested help to buy something for the kids, he would reply with: “Well if you hadn’t bought a house, perhaps you’d have enough money to pay for school registration or, fill in the blank.” So I got angry. I contemplated taking him to court but he didn’t have a job. So how can you get blood from a stone? You can’t!
The moment I realized I could take my power back was the day my friend said, “Stop kidding yourself, he will never pay you. Count your blessings that you have a good job and that you are an independent woman capable of raising your kids on your own.” And that’s when it sank in. “I do not have to be a victim,” I said to myself. “I am strong, capable and I do not need to use up all my energy to get money from a stone.” And so I gained peace by accepting the fact that I was on my own financially. And to this day I still am.
When I made that decision, the stress of dealing with a “non-cooperative” father melted away. I felt lighter and one day, I made the decision to stop yelling at my kids. I remember the moment so clearly. After finding my son misbehaving again, I caught myself yelling at him from the top of my lungs. “Get to your room NOW!” And then, I heard myself say, “Why are you yelling, you idiot? What message are you trying to convey? Why are you so angry?” And then, I figured it out. The yelling was just a habit, frustration and desperation coming out all at once. I realized at that moment that the yelling no longer had a purpose and just like that, I made a promise to myself to stop yelling and I did. Peace once again was being instilled in my heart, in my home and in my children.
I only had one thing left to figure out: the abuse cycle. When I think back, I realize I kept attracting abusive men because I thought I could save them. I would feed my ego by attempting to empower men who needed to be loved. But in return, I became their victim, taking in their ugliness, their despair and their pain. And I realized I couldn’t help men who didn’t want to help themselves. To free myself from abuse, I needed to truly learn to love myself.
And so, the journey of self-healing began. I went through a forgiveness ritual where I practised forgiving myself for taking in such abuse but most of all, I had to forgive myself for putting the kids through so much chaos and hurt and pain.
I got through it emotionally with the support of my family. I got through it physically by taking the steps I needed to get out of the abusive patterns I was used to. Things like paying attention to body language, behaviours and words. I got through it spiritually by listening to that voice I kept hearing on a constant basis. Call it my guardian angel, my higher self or God. It never left my side because I was open to receiving help.
Joy, happiness and peace come to you when you stop seeing yourself as a victim (consciously and unconsciously). And you do this by questioning everything. The more I asked myself questions, the more answers I received. I was shown the way. I was guided towards helpful people, books that appeared out of nowhere, or a television show I happen to be watching.
So as I sit on the beach, listening to the waves hit the shore, I ask you to please live your life to the fullest. Ask yourself the important questions. Things like am I happy? Is this the life I want? Am I with the right person? Am I doing something I love? Am I contributing to society in a positive way? Am I being the best parent possible to my child?
A whole new world is waiting for you if you open your mind and your heart to the possibilities. That’s what I did. I started to question every aspect of my life and made decisions to change what I didn’t like. In exchange, I got to pick a career I love, a man who truly loves and respects me, a growing and successful coaching
business. I became a published author and a world of fun, travel and joy has entered my life.
So I leave you with this: Always remember that you are cherished, you are loved and you are powerful. You hold the key to living your life to the fullest.
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